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An Open Letter to the Conservative Women of America

September 17, 2010

Dear The Conservative Women of America,

Hey, bro, can we talk for a moment?  I just watched the trailer for the documentary Fire From the Heartland: The Reawakening of the Conservative Woman and just wanted to say GOOD JOB, BRO!  You’re TOTALLY KILLIN’ IT!  You’ve taken a small step for man, and a giant leap for women’s rights to make overly dramatic trailers for films!

While the rest of the QUOTE-UNQUOTE feminists are busy adopting gay babies from Africa, you ladies are doing the tough job of reminding people that the equal rights movement also asserted a woman’s equal right to be a complete and utter fucking hypocrite, just like a man.

That’s an important thing that a lot of people seemed to have forgotten!  You did this in one masterful stroke, by making Ann Coulter so prominent in your trailer.  Note that I say trailer because I haven’t seen the movie yet, so I can’t be sure of that.  Maybe you also asserted women’s rights to totally put all of the BEST PARTS of a movie into the trailer!  That’s a woman’s right, too!  But I digress.  In the trailer she RIGHTLY POINTS OUT that “the culture has tried to take everything away from women that makes them so strong… their femininity, their morality” by giving women the right to vote, fighting for equal opportunity and a whole slew of other rights that are REALLY chaffing their REAL STRENGTH (see: femininity, morality).  This point should hit home (THE HOMELAND *WINK*) even harder coming from the woman who has argued against women’s suffrage!

She quoted an argument made by John Lott in his book Freedomnomics that the size of government has sharply increased since women’s suffrage, leading her to the ONLY LOGICAL POSITION ONE CAN TAKE WHEN FACED WITH THIS INFORMATION: Deny women the vote and the right to run for public office.  Right?  We all know that small government > women’s suffrage in the long run.  Because America, the Constitution, and the Founding Fathers.  Oh, and also “if only men voted, Republicans would have won every presidential election except ’64 since 1950”.  See?  Women are Democrats, and Democrats < Republicans.  Except for these real Americans, these real Women.

She also knows that women are strong, nay, THE STRONGEST (see trailer for Fire From the Heartland: The Reawakening of the Conservative Woman), but they are not strong enough to raise babies on their own.

“If you look at any societal problem and it is a problem of single motherhood”

Ann Coulter

Fuck yeah, Ann Coulter!  You go ahead being a REAL feminist and arguing that as long as you have SMALL GOVERNMENT and FAMILY VALUES, you can have your EQUAL RIGHTS CAKE and eat it, too.

Other Points Brought Up In Video:

– “I am no victim, I am no victim, I am no victim”, says woman in front of American flag.  Exactly.  Men are (see clip of poor man’s Danny DeVito getting robbed as quote plays)

– “Motherhood is a political act.  PERIOD,” says woman making hand gestures to show that she’s SERIOUS.  Exactly.  While the LIBERAL MEDIA is BRAINWASHING US into adopting gay babies from Africa, to fall in love with somebody of the opposite sex (p.s. gay rights strips rights of straight people somehow.  Because America, the Constitution and the Founding Fathers) and decide to spawn offspring, and everybody is like “Ew, fucking GROSS!  You fascist, stop fucking ruining the world by having BABIES you Communazi Communist Nazi!”, you are making a huge political statement somehow.

– “Our children’s future is at stake,” says woman nodding her head to accentuate the severity of what she is saying.  Totally true.  While all of the LEFTIST, MARXIST, STALINIST, MAOIST, COMMUNIST, ISLAMIST, NAZI QUOTE-UNQUOTE feminists are urging us to stop thinking about the children and to throw caution to the wind, these women are the ONLY ONES thinking about their children’s future.  It’s probably a political act, too.

– “Women are the last line of defense,” says same woman quoted above, this time also using hand gestures to show that she is SO SERIOUS.  It’s true.  Women are the last line of defense.  Against something.  Not exactly sure, they don’t mention it in the trailer.  GUESS I’LL HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE MOVIE!

In closing, thanks, bro.

Bro-Grabs,

A Male

P.S. I too like Sarah Palin because she’s just like ME AND ME!

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