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An Open Letter to The

September 16, 2010

Dear The,

Hey, bro.  I just wanted to have a few words with you right now because I feel like somebody has to say it (me and everybody else who doesn’t agree with all of your points of view!).  We all know you’re KILLIN’ IT, BRO.  Fansite of the number one news (term used loosely, it’s more talk radio with moving pictures, but let’s not split hairs here, okay?) station in the country?  Good job, bro.  Seriously.  You’re killin’ it.

What I wanted to pull you aside for are a few things that could help clean up your image a little bit.  You’ve got new filters to hide the blatant racism and xenophobia which some of your commenters  like to post, which is a good start, but there are a couple other things I wanted to bring up!

Can we stop calling everybody who strays from the collective narrative a Marxist?  It’s annoying and shows little to no respect for or understanding of history and political ideologies!  Also, McCarthyism is totally passe now.  You’ve definitely (trying to) cleaned up your act with the whole “Obama is a Nazi” bit, which is great, because that was just blatant ignorance.  I will cede to the fact that the left called Bush a Nazi and that too was ignorant, and while comparing somebody who invaded two countries totally needlessly (to-may-tos, to-mot-os!) seems more apt than somebody who tried to extend healthcare coverage to the poorest of your country, I get it.  We’ve all made mistakes.  While you’re at that, if possible, also stop using Communist, fascist (“Scholars generally consider fascism to be on the far right of the conventional left-right political spectrum”, – Wikipedia.  And look, I know, the left did it as well, but let’s be the bigger wo/man here!), and Maoist (just silly, that one).  I swear if you stop doing that, we Canadians will stop using the term “Torontonamo” for the ad hoc detention facility used to keep G20 protesters.  Why?  Because it’s just as fucking ignorant.

Let’s also make sure to keep our ideological fervor out of the realm of eschatology, because that’s a one way ticket to a face full of eggs (here’s looking at you, Heaven’s Gate and millenias worth of religious adherents who await the return of their saviour!)!   Sure, 2010 might pan out to be “your year”, but that’s not going the coming of a bright, new day of conservatism in the United States!  The colour (sorry for using the Queen’s English, being Canadian and all) of a country ebbs and flows with a number of complex reasons, and the truth is when you have one side completely engulf the whole country, that’s when we get into fascist/Marxist/Communist/Nazi territory, and you guys are totally against that, right?

Can we also stop praising candidates for being “regular folk”?  Because they’re not.  I know you see people like Sarah Palin on TV and she’s dropping the “g”s on the end of words and talking about “regular Americans” and railing against the political elite, but she’s not like you!  Sure, she may SOUND like you and she maybe even seems to have some of the same interests (moral legislation, removing individual freedoms like abortion – wait, aren’t you guys TOTALLY anti-anti-individual freedom?  You may have to rethink this one?), but you’re not the face of a multi-million dollar media-darling empire!  If you are, I totally apologize, but erring on the side of caution, I’m going to stick with “you’re not”.  Why?  Because then you’d have better things to do than comment on The (or at least you’d be able to pay somebody to post FOR you *WINK*)!

And as an aside, how about stopping all of this talk about “elites”, like the “elitist, left-wing liberal media” and the “elites” in office, because you know what?  You guys are the up-and-coming elite!  Sarah Palin?  She is the New (Old) Right’s elite!  She has her “inner circle” and her “Mama Grizzly’s” and whomever she deems worthy is suddenly the New Sarah Palin!  And in terms of the media, you guys are posting on the fansite of the most POPULAR FUCKING NEWS STATION IN THE COUNTRY!  You set the talking points now, haven’t you noticed?  Nobody seems to listen to things that the “liberal media” is talking about anymore (obviously!  Sarah Palin is a burgeoning political powerhouse!), so, let’s give it a rest!

Canadians are scared shitless of you guys, hence the backlash against the proposed Sun TV News Channel, or Fox News North, as it’s been dubbed.  They’re protesting it and what not but I’m all for it.  Why?  Because I believe in free speech, even if it is blatantly distorted and skewed to one side of the political spectrum.  I know there are fears of “brainwashing” and a widespread misinformation, but the thing is, brainwashing only works on people who already are leaning that way , and people who swallow blatant misinformation were never really seeking out good information in the first place, rather just looking for information that conforms to their preexisting beliefs (confirmation bias FTW!).

Well, that’s all I have time to write right now, but like I said, you guys are TOTALLY KILLIN’ IT, BRO, so, keep up the good (bad *WINK*) work and try to not be so outrageous!  Who am I kidding?  It’s what made you who you are!  Keep at it, champ!


A Canadian

P.S. I was going to devote an ENTIRE PARAGRAPH (I know, ambition!) to talking about how you guys are being totally outrageously ignorant of and over-blowing the dangers posed to everybody by the Muslim faith, but that’s not limited to you guys!  Not even close!  I’ll save that for another time!

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