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Of Wolfish Men & Albinism

August 17, 2010

From Will
I just wanted to send you a quick message introducing myself, my name is Will and I run a music promotion service called Sound Placement. I just thought I’d send you an e-mail with a link to check it out. If it’s something you are interested in or have any questions about I’m more than happy to to answer any questions you might have.

As far as I know, there are not any music other promotion companies doing what we’re doing. And so far the results we’ve been getting have been fantastic.

So feel free to check it out, I would love to hear what you think!

Peace,
Will

To Will
DEAR WILL,
MANY APPRECIATIONS FOR YOUR E-MAIL IN RE: MY MUSIC. I HAVE BEEN WORKING VERY HARD ON IT FOR QUITE SOMETIME AND RECENTLY FOUND MYSELF ASKING THE QUESTION: WHAT IS IT THAT MAKES PEOPLE, IN DROVES (THOUSANDS 😉 ), LISTEN TO MUSIC?

THE ANSWER, FRANKLY, WAS OBVIOUS: INTERNET! BUT THE INTERNET IS VAST, COLD AND UNFORGIVING. SOMETIMES WHEN I VENTURE ON TO IT, I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD LEAVE BREAD CRUMBS ALONG THE TRAIL TO FIND MY WAY HOME, FOR MY PICNIC BASKET (LITERAL AND FIGURATIVE) IS FILLED WITH GOODIES (AGAIN) WHICH ATTRACTS WOLVES. WOLVES IN THIS CASE ARE INTERNET WOLVES! THEY ARE VAST, COLD AND UNFORGIVING! ALAS, THE BREAD CRUMBS I DID LEAVE WERE DEVOURED BY MONKEYS I AM TO HIT AND WIN A FREE IPAD LEAVING ME GRADE A RAPE MEAT FOR THE LUPUS. CANIS LUPUS! NOT THE DISEASE.

I AM FROM DERBENT, DAGESTAN, ON THE SHORE OF THE CASPIAN SEA. WOLVES WEREN’T A PROBLEM THERE BUT STORIES OF WOLFMEN (AND WOMEN, I’M SURE. I CAN’T TELL A MALE WOLF FROM A FEMALE WOLF. CAN YOU? THERE IS SO MUCH TO LEARN ABOUT ONE ANOTHER!) PERSISTED. AS A YOUNG LAD I WOULD FEAR THESE WOLFISH MEN, HOWEVER, I THEN LEARNED IT TO BE NOTHING BUT TSARIST PROPAGANDA TO MAKE PEOPLE NOT TRUST THE JEWS. WHY DOES EVERYBODY HATE THEM SO, WILL? I KNOW MANY JEWISH MERCHANTS, AND NONE OF THEM SEEM TO KNOW OF THIS SECRET CABAL OF JEWISH BANKERS WHO LIVE AT THE CENTER OF THE EARTH AND CONTROL THE WORLD’S MONEY SUPPLY (IS IT WITH KNOBS, DIALS, OR IS IT TOUCHSCREEN, LIKE AN IPAD? DID THEY HIT THE MONKEY TO WIN IT?), AND FRANKLY WERE QUITE OFFENDED WHEN I ASKED THEM TO TELL ME WHAT THEY KNEW OF IT.

YOU ARE NOT JEWISH, ARE YOU WILL? NOT THAT I MIND WHATSOEVER IF YOU ARE, I’D BE PRETTY EXCITED TO HAVE A NEW CORRESPONDENT OF A DIFFERENT HERITAGE THAN I! SO FAR I HAVE A FRIEND IN UGANDA, PAKISTAN, BOLIVIA, AND EVEN A FRIEND FROM THE MICRONATION SEALAND! OH, PLEASE NEVER TELL THEM I SPOKE OF THEM AS A “MICRONATION”, THEY ARE TOUCHY ABOUT THAT. SMALL NATION’S COMPLEX! HA. SEE WHAT I DID THERE? I CHANGED PENIS FOR NATION. NO, THEY PREFER TO BE CLASSIFIED AS A PRINCIPALITY. I ONCE THOUGHT TO START MY OWN PRINCIPALITY, AS I OFT FANTASIZE ABOUT THE IDEA OF FEUDALISM, SERFS, AND ALL OF THE PRINCESSES WHO, ONCE I SLEW THE DRAGON WHO WAS KEEPING THEM IN THE ENCHANTED TOWER (HOW COME I’VE NEVER LIVED IN AN ENCHANTED ANYTHING, WILL? HAVE YOU?), WOULD GRANT ME THEIR VIRGINITY AND I WOULD GRANT THEM MY ESSENCE. MY SEMEN IS WHAT I MEAN BY “ESSENCE”, WILL. I WAS TRYING TO BE POETIC. DO YOU LIKE POETRY, WILL? I HAVE SOME TO SEND YOU. ONLY TWO ARE ABOUT MY ESSENCE, SO, DON’T WORRY! IF SPERM AND THINGS OF THE SORT REMIND YOU OF SOME TRAUMATIC CHILDHOOD EVENT, I UNDERSTAND. I CAN CHANGE IT TO “PANTS TROUSERS”, AND I’M PRETTY SURE IT’LL STILL MAKE SENSE.

LONG STORY SHORT: I WOULD WISH TO KNOW MORE ABOUT YOUR SERVICES. DO YOU HAVE THE ABILITY TO TARGET SPECIFIC DEMOGRAPHICS? I HAVE A SONG ABOUT GROWING UP ALBINO IN A COUNTRY WHICH IS 90% MUSLIM, AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT SAYS IN THE KORAN ABOUT ALBINISM, BUT I TELL YOU, FRIEND WILL, THEY SEEMS TO THINK ME SOME SORT OF LEPER! SO I MEAN IF THERE IS ANYWAY YOU CAN TARGET ALBINOS, OR PEOPLE WHO WOULD CATER TO ALBINOS (AND WHILE YOU’RE AT IT, SEND THEM MY WAY! IF THEY CATER TO ALBINOS THEN THEY SEEM FIT FOR SERFDOM! WINK!) OR LET ME KNOW IF YOU THINK THERE ARE ANY AREAS RIPE FOR PICKINGS. SEND ME THESE PLACES AND I SHALL TRAVEL THERE, LEAVING MY ESSENCE FROM TOWN TO TOWN!

I LOVE YOU AS A FRIEND, WILL, AND I AM EVER SO HAPPY THAT YOU MADE THE FIRST MOVE! I AM SHY!

LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU AGAIN.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. August 18, 2010 12:14 am

    What a lovely blog you have & many thanks for stopping by over at mine!

    Very Nice for me….thanks for share

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